Gratitude Creating a Kinder Daughter

I hear so many people saying including myself, I want to live in a world where we are kinder to each other, kinder to ourselves, and certainly kinder to the earth and her beings. So why aren't we kind? What stands in the way of us being kind, compassionate? Scientist did a research project with very young children, the scientist dropped I think a pencil or something and was pretending to try and pick it up, really struggling to reach it, and the children would rush over to help the scientist. So we are born kind, the seed of compassion is there. Then what happened? As we develop what happened to kindness?
I think a reason could be that we learn not to feel safe, not to trust and our hearts close, we protect our hearts so we become self-centered. Is it the other people who are not kind, or is it me? I certainly think I am a kind person. What does kindness, compassion look like? When am I not compassionate, kind?
Well, put me in a car with my mother for an hour and....... She repeats something over and over and I can feel irritation build, judgement, unkind thoughts, my heart is closing, I certainly do not feel kind or compassionate. My body tenses, my eyes narrow, my jaw starts to clench, shoulders come up, when I speak it is short sentences and the tone is sharp.
The good news is there is antidote that is working for me, gratitude. When I feel this all arising in me I take a deep, slow breath and say to myself "I am thankful that I have good health", "I am grateful there are practices, training I can do to keep my mind and brain healthy" as I say this to myself, I feel my heart open, soften, my body relax, and I can practice compassion with my mother, practice open, reflective listening and be more compassionate with myself.
What practices, or thoughts do you have on how we can co-create a kinder world? We are in this together and I do like to hear your thoughts because we can and learn so much more when there is a dialogue happening  between us.

Mindfulness Practice

                                                  

                                              Heartfelt Hug for Everyone

Now the practice of loving-kindness can get challenging, because you are bringing to mind people who you may not like, who have hurt you in some way, said something to you that was not nice, for example. As you practice with your child you can share a situation with them and model your loving-kindness practice with them, and then your child can do the practice for their situation.

Closing your eyes, bring that person into your imagination, bring that  person into your mind, and move into the tenderness of your own heart, start to feel the loving-kindness you have for someone you love and care for, someone who loves and cares for you. Feeling that kindness place your hands on your heart and say

'Just like me, you (name if you wish) want to be happy"
"Just like me, you (name) want to feel safe"
"Just like me you (name) want to feel joy"

repeat 2 more times, move your hand out as an expression of sending this care to that person.

take 2 more deep breaths open your eyes.


The more you practice this loving-kindness for your self, your loved ones and those you struggle with, the more kindness you cultivate. The happier you will be and this happiness ripples out to others.

Children learn from you your acceptance of others and that we all are more the same then different. This does not mean you don't stand up for yourself, have healthy boundaries, it means you recognize we are all one human family and in order for us to inhabit this world in a peaceful way, we need to cultivate kindness, understanding, and compassion.

IMPROVING YOUR RATIO OF POSITIVE TO NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

I hope you are enjoying the first step in practicing lovingkindness, by practicing lovingkindness to yourself.
Now, let's move on to the next step, sending loving-kindness to family member or friend.When you have completed the first step which I wrote in the last blog, you continue by bringing to your mind, imagination a family memeber, or a friend, when you have that person in your mind, again with your hand or both hands on your heart say to this family member or friend

"May you be happy"
"May you be safe"
"May you be healthy and well"
"May you be free from all fear"
 (Or make up your own phrases )

Repeat two more times.

Take 3 deep breaths to really grow and feel these feelings in your body, and then release your hand and let it move forward as if offering to your friend/family member and then let the picture of your friend/family member go.




 Christine Carter , Ph.D wrote in her blog "Loving-kindness meditation does far more than produce momentary good feelings. Over a nine week period, research showed that this type of meditation increased people's experiences of positive emotions. (If you are working on improving your ratio of positive to negative emotions, start with loving-kindness!) The research shows compellingly that it actually puts people on "trajectories of growth," leaving them better able to ward off depression and "become ever more satisfied with life." This is probably because it increases a wide range of those resources that make for a meaningful and successful life, like having an increased sense of purpose, stronger social support, and less illness. Research even shows that loving-kindness meditation "changes the way people approach life" for the better.
I've blogged before about social connections and how important they are for health and happiness. Doing a simple loving-kindness meditation can make us feel less isolated and more connected to those around us: one study showed that a SINGLE SEVEN MINUTE loving-kindness meditation made people feel more connected to and positive about both loved ones and total strangers, and more accepting of themselves. Imagine what a regular practice could do!"

What a wonderful way to end your day with your child, cultivating more loving-kindness in your lives and sending it to others. Love to all.

 

  Getting to Know Me, For Better or Worse, in Sickness and Health.......

I am still working very hard to learn about me, and from doing this I am seeing more clearly the obstacles to my own happiness, good health and healthy relationships. In all my experiences in life I am the one constant.
 To do this research on me, I have to be  the scientist and lab rat at the same time. This is the most important work I have to do and the most challenging. What has been my most important step in this process..... setting the intention and paying attention, in other words practicing mindfulness. If there is no motivation there is no action, my motivation comes from wanting to create a kinder world, and that starts with me being kinder to myself and understanding me, and the obstacles that keep me from being kind to myself. The obstacles are the old habits, patterns and stories I tell myself, and in order to be aware of them I practice being mindful to what is going on in my inner world...not an easy practice, but the results are MOST certainly worth it.

“If we hope to go anywhere or develop ourselves in any way, we can only step from where we are standing. If we don't really know where we are standing... We may only go in circles...”
― Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life 
  
I can be so unkind to myself, say things I would not say to someone else, like "come on you have no reason to be tired, get at it", "you will NEVER be good enough, know enough, just give up", "___________ doesn't like you, so just go away", "what good is your life, you waste so much time", "other people know better than you, you don't know what you want", on and on. This kind of internal dialogue keeps me stuck, inhibits personal growth, creates stress which causes inflammation, poor health over time and a sense of not being all right in the world, a feeling of sadness, loneliness, fear, and energy draining.As I get to know myself, my inner world better, more familiar which is what meditation, the practice of mindfulness does, allowing me to be more familiar with what is happening. When I notice I am caught in these old patterns, this is a mindful moment and this is where I can pause and change what is happening internally. What are the things you say to yourself that have become habitual over the years, that hold you prisoner? What practices do you do that help with these old stories?

Sharing our life journey with each other helps us feel not so alone, that it is not just me, that this is a journey we are all struggling in, together.

Love to all

Gratitude Shower

Just got back from a wonderful walk in the rain., with Archan. I love a warm soft rain, cleansing, soothing, refreshing and great for the garden. There is a couple of birds singing, it sounds to me like a song of gratitude for the rain, I think it brings the worms to the surface. The  regular expression of gratitude supports the cultivation of compassion....why? When I feel grateful for the rain and the amount we receive, I think of countries, even provinces in our own country that need rain, I feel compassion for the people, animals, the earth that need rain. Now what, is there anything I can do about the suffering of those who need rain/water, well I can write about it, I can have conversations with people about the suffering of others, there is always something I can do, I can say a prayer, not in the usual sense of prayer but a prayer from my heart to others, the earth...."May you receive what you need, May those of us that are creating global issues see our wrong doing and change,NOW." So, smile and be grateful, feel a softening in your chest, in the area of your heart, and do this while tipping your face up to the rain, like a child would, stick out your tongue and catch a rain drop or two. Let the energy of warmth and care spread out from your heart into the world. This feels so very good, the smile, practice of gratitude, which makes us kinder to ourselves others and the world. I will share the healing power of smiling another time. love to all