Gratitude Creating a Kinder Daughter

I hear so many people saying including myself, I want to live in a world where we are kinder to each other, kinder to ourselves, and certainly kinder to the earth and her beings. So why aren't we kind? What stands in the way of us being kind, compassionate? Scientist did a research project with very young children, the scientist dropped I think a pencil or something and was pretending to try and pick it up, really struggling to reach it, and the children would rush over to help the scientist. So we are born kind, the seed of compassion is there. Then what happened? As we develop what happened to kindness?
I think a reason could be that we learn not to feel safe, not to trust and our hearts close, we protect our hearts so we become self-centered. Is it the other people who are not kind, or is it me? I certainly think I am a kind person. What does kindness, compassion look like? When am I not compassionate, kind?
Well, put me in a car with my mother for an hour and....... She repeats something over and over and I can feel irritation build, judgement, unkind thoughts, my heart is closing, I certainly do not feel kind or compassionate. My body tenses, my eyes narrow, my jaw starts to clench, shoulders come up, when I speak it is short sentences and the tone is sharp.
The good news is there is antidote that is working for me, gratitude. When I feel this all arising in me I take a deep, slow breath and say to myself "I am thankful that I have good health", "I am grateful there are practices, training I can do to keep my mind and brain healthy" as I say this to myself, I feel my heart open, soften, my body relax, and I can practice compassion with my mother, practice open, reflective listening and be more compassionate with myself.
What practices, or thoughts do you have on how we can co-create a kinder world? We are in this together and I do like to hear your thoughts because we can and learn so much more when there is a dialogue happening  between us.

Mindfulness Practice

                                                  LOVE A Vital Nutrient 

So here goes, I want to write about a brilliant book I just finished reading 'LOVE 2.0' author Barbara L. Fredrickson, PH.D. This book made so much sense to me, that love is a nutrient, important to our well-being. This supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do and become, Dr. Fredrickson has on the book cover. I have been afraid of love most of my life, didn't really understand it, no wonder look who we learn love from. We learn about love from our parents or main caregivers, boyfriends, girlfriends, society, culture, media no wonder there is so much misunderstanding and fear of love. It can be pretty scary to say "I love you" and really feel it, authentically, allow your heart to be open, vulnerable. And love is being researched and the results described in this book in a way that we lay people can understand. The research shows that more than happiness and even optimism, love holds the key to improving our mental and physical  health as well as lengthening our lives and deepening our personal experience. Fredrickson defines love as a momentary state that arises to infuse your mind and body alike. Love is connection. "Love is the momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or morepositive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person's biochemistry and behaviours; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other's well-being that brings mutual care." Fredrickson 's shorthand for this is positivity resonance, and is also a skill that can be taught and learned. This skill love, needs to be cultivated in our intimate relationships, communities, schools and workplaces, globally. This book provides exercises, practices to cultivate, build love in ourselves and for ourselves and to expand out to others, even globally. Frederickson says compassion is love. I hope you pick up this book, borrow it from the library like I did, check out the websites for resources, tools to cultivate love, compassion in your life  positivityresonance.com and www.positivityratio.com or just type in Dr.Barbara Fredrickson you will also find youtube videos. Did you eat enough vegetables today, and did you cultivate enough love today...get all your nutrients!!!

                                                  

                                              Heartfelt Hug for Everyone

Now the practice of loving-kindness can get challenging, because you are bringing to mind people who you may not like, who have hurt you in some way, said something to you that was not nice, for example. As you practice with your child you can share a situation with them and model your loving-kindness practice with them, and then your child can do the practice for their situation.

Closing your eyes, bring that person into your imagination, bring that  person into your mind, and move into the tenderness of your own heart, start to feel the loving-kindness you have for someone you love and care for, someone who loves and cares for you. Feeling that kindness place your hands on your heart and say

'Just like me, you (name if you wish) want to be happy"
"Just like me, you (name) want to feel safe"
"Just like me you (name) want to feel joy"

repeat 2 more times, move your hand out as an expression of sending this care to that person.

take 2 more deep breaths open your eyes.


The more you practice this loving-kindness for your self, your loved ones and those you struggle with, the more kindness you cultivate. The happier you will be and this happiness ripples out to others.

Children learn from you your acceptance of others and that we all are more the same then different. This does not mean you don't stand up for yourself, have healthy boundaries, it means you recognize we are all one human family and in order for us to inhabit this world in a peaceful way, we need to cultivate kindness, understanding, and compassion.

       Children Cultivating Lovingkindness 

Why do we need to support children in cultivating lovingkindness? It is innate in all of us, we are born with the seed of compassion, we need to cultivate it, to keep it growing. If we all were more compassionate practicing lovingkindness maybe the world would be a kinder, safer, more joyful world for all children, all of us to live in.

The first step in having more lovingkindness in our lives and in the world is to cultivate it within ourselves and to have a common understanding of what we mean by lovingkindness. Ask your child what love means to them, how they would define love. Give them time to come up with their own meaning/s.(Examples could be “hugs”, “family”)So now we sort of know what love is. Now, ask your child how they would define kindness. (Examples could be “when someone does something nice for me”,  "petting a cat not pulling its tail", “sharing toys”) Now we put these two experiences together, now we have this practice called lovingkindness.

 

To begin we will practice lovingkindness for ourselves.  You give the instructions and model for them, by placing your hand on your heart and asking them to do the same, now feel your breath moving your chest under your hand, pay attention to the feeling of your breath moving your hand up a little bit as you breath in and down a little bit as you breath out, do this for one more complete breath.
Now, if you are comfortable close your eyes and imagine that the love and kindness you (the child) described and how you would feel, and using your imagination see yourself standing in front of the mirror in the morning. See your reflection in the mirror.
With your hand on your heart repeat quietly to yourself
“May I be happy”
“May I be safe”
“May I be healthy”
“May I be free from worry”
Repeat 2 more times. Now, take 3 slow breaths to really allow these feelings to be felt in your body.
You can make up any phrases that have meaning to you/child. This is a wonderful practice at bedtime, or anytime of the day.
Next step coming soon. May your heart and mind be soothed with this practice. Love to all.

Gratitude Shower

Just got back from a wonderful walk in the rain., with Archan. I love a warm soft rain, cleansing, soothing, refreshing and great for the garden. There is a couple of birds singing, it sounds to me like a song of gratitude for the rain, I think it brings the worms to the surface. The  regular expression of gratitude supports the cultivation of compassion....why? When I feel grateful for the rain and the amount we receive, I think of countries, even provinces in our own country that need rain, I feel compassion for the people, animals, the earth that need rain. Now what, is there anything I can do about the suffering of those who need rain/water, well I can write about it, I can have conversations with people about the suffering of others, there is always something I can do, I can say a prayer, not in the usual sense of prayer but a prayer from my heart to others, the earth...."May you receive what you need, May those of us that are creating global issues see our wrong doing and change,NOW." So, smile and be grateful, feel a softening in your chest, in the area of your heart, and do this while tipping your face up to the rain, like a child would, stick out your tongue and catch a rain drop or two. Let the energy of warmth and care spread out from your heart into the world. This feels so very good, the smile, practice of gratitude, which makes us kinder to ourselves others and the world. I will share the healing power of smiling another time. love to all