Are We Afraid of Happiness?

Are We Afraid of Happiness? I asked Archan at breakfast last Sunday morning, "Do you think that we are a society afraid of happiness?" I love questions, I love asking myself and others questions. As a child I remember being told laughter was NOT appropriate in church, at the dinner table, in the classroom, as an adult in the workplace showing happiness would annoy, irritate some co-workers, at the local grocery store dancing in the aisle would generate frowns from some shoppers. Are we afraid if we act happy; smile, dance, laugh, giggle, sing, however happiness would be expressed that happiness won't last, that we must guard ourselves for something bad that could happen, we have no right to feel/express happiness because others are worse off, that we will not be accepted/belong? At another level is there a feeling that we don't trust, feel safe with each other? If I felt safe, trusted others would I then express joy? If we trusted each other, felt safe with each other would we express happiness, and even another level of question would we feel more happiness if we felt safe, trusted each other? How often do I express happiness, joy, in my day, how do I express happiness?

       Children Cultivating Lovingkindness 

Why do we need to support children in cultivating lovingkindness? It is innate in all of us, we are born with the seed of compassion, we need to cultivate it, to keep it growing. If we all were more compassionate practicing lovingkindness maybe the world would be a kinder, safer, more joyful world for all children, all of us to live in.

The first step in having more lovingkindness in our lives and in the world is to cultivate it within ourselves and to have a common understanding of what we mean by lovingkindness. Ask your child what love means to them, how they would define love. Give them time to come up with their own meaning/s.(Examples could be “hugs”, “family”)So now we sort of know what love is. Now, ask your child how they would define kindness. (Examples could be “when someone does something nice for me”,  "petting a cat not pulling its tail", “sharing toys”) Now we put these two experiences together, now we have this practice called lovingkindness.

 

To begin we will practice lovingkindness for ourselves.  You give the instructions and model for them, by placing your hand on your heart and asking them to do the same, now feel your breath moving your chest under your hand, pay attention to the feeling of your breath moving your hand up a little bit as you breath in and down a little bit as you breath out, do this for one more complete breath.
Now, if you are comfortable close your eyes and imagine that the love and kindness you (the child) described and how you would feel, and using your imagination see yourself standing in front of the mirror in the morning. See your reflection in the mirror.
With your hand on your heart repeat quietly to yourself
“May I be happy”
“May I be safe”
“May I be healthy”
“May I be free from worry”
Repeat 2 more times. Now, take 3 slow breaths to really allow these feelings to be felt in your body.
You can make up any phrases that have meaning to you/child. This is a wonderful practice at bedtime, or anytime of the day.
Next step coming soon. May your heart and mind be soothed with this practice. Love to all.

  Getting to Know Me, For Better or Worse, in Sickness and Health.......

I am still working very hard to learn about me, and from doing this I am seeing more clearly the obstacles to my own happiness, good health and healthy relationships. In all my experiences in life I am the one constant.
 To do this research on me, I have to be  the scientist and lab rat at the same time. This is the most important work I have to do and the most challenging. What has been my most important step in this process..... setting the intention and paying attention, in other words practicing mindfulness. If there is no motivation there is no action, my motivation comes from wanting to create a kinder world, and that starts with me being kinder to myself and understanding me, and the obstacles that keep me from being kind to myself. The obstacles are the old habits, patterns and stories I tell myself, and in order to be aware of them I practice being mindful to what is going on in my inner world...not an easy practice, but the results are MOST certainly worth it.

“If we hope to go anywhere or develop ourselves in any way, we can only step from where we are standing. If we don't really know where we are standing... We may only go in circles...”
― Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life 
  
I can be so unkind to myself, say things I would not say to someone else, like "come on you have no reason to be tired, get at it", "you will NEVER be good enough, know enough, just give up", "___________ doesn't like you, so just go away", "what good is your life, you waste so much time", "other people know better than you, you don't know what you want", on and on. This kind of internal dialogue keeps me stuck, inhibits personal growth, creates stress which causes inflammation, poor health over time and a sense of not being all right in the world, a feeling of sadness, loneliness, fear, and energy draining.As I get to know myself, my inner world better, more familiar which is what meditation, the practice of mindfulness does, allowing me to be more familiar with what is happening. When I notice I am caught in these old patterns, this is a mindful moment and this is where I can pause and change what is happening internally. What are the things you say to yourself that have become habitual over the years, that hold you prisoner? What practices do you do that help with these old stories?

Sharing our life journey with each other helps us feel not so alone, that it is not just me, that this is a journey we are all struggling in, together.

Love to all