I am still working very hard to learn about me, and from doing this I am seeing more clearly the obstacles to my own happiness, good health and healthy relationships. In all my experiences in life I am the one constant.
To do this research on me, I have to be the scientist and lab rat at the same time. This is the most important work I have to do and the most challenging. What has been my most important step in this process..... setting the intention and paying attention, in other words practicing mindfulness. If there is no motivation there is no action, my motivation comes from wanting to create a kinder world, and that starts with me being kinder to myself and understanding me, and the obstacles that keep me from being kind to myself. The obstacles are the old habits, patterns and stories I tell myself, and in order to be aware of them I practice being mindful to what is going on in my inner world...not an easy practice, but the results are MOST certainly worth it.
“If we hope to go anywhere or develop ourselves in any way, we can only step from where we are standing. If we don't really know where we are standing... We may only go in circles...”
― Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
I can be so unkind to myself, say things I would not say to someone else, like "come on you have no reason to be tired, get at it", "you will NEVER be good enough, know enough, just give up", "___________ doesn't like you, so just go away", "what good is your life, you waste so much time", "other people know better than you, you don't know what you want", on and on. This kind of internal dialogue keeps me stuck, inhibits personal growth, creates stress which causes inflammation, poor health over time and a sense of not being all right in the world, a feeling of sadness, loneliness, fear, and energy draining.As I get to know myself, my inner world better, more familiar which is what meditation, the practice of mindfulness does, allowing me to be more familiar with what is happening. When I notice I am caught in these old patterns, this is a mindful moment and this is where I can pause and change what is happening internally. What are the things you say to yourself that have become habitual over the years, that hold you prisoner? What practices do you do that help with these old stories?
Sharing our life journey with each other helps us feel not so alone, that it is not just me, that this is a journey we are all struggling in, together.
Love to all